Insomnia…not being able to sleep… The world around you is sleeping. You look out of the window and all of the house lights in the street are off, it seems that everyone is sleeping. There’s nothing on TV. You’ve already surfed the internet, looked on www.fightingrsd.com/forum and catched up with all the new posts. You feel alone.
I wish that alone was all that I felt. My arm is throbbing. It feels like it’s in a vice being squeezed. It’s discoloured and swollen and I’m trying with all my might to take my mind away from the pain and obsurd things that I’m feeling in my arm. Oh my goodness, it feels like it’s engulfed in flames, yet if I touch it, it feels as if my arm is made of ice!
What would I do for a proper nights sleep? Right now, given that I’ve not had a proper nights sleep in so long, there’s not much that I wouldn’t do. I just want this all to stop. I sincerely want to cut my arm off, maybe that would finally make it stop. All of the pills and potions only do so much, all I want to do is make it stop!
Sadly I know that even if my arm was amputated, it may not make any difference at all, it may infact make it worse. I close my eyes, take deep breaths and slowly count to ten. Nope, nothing. I suppose it’s time for another DVD, hopefully I’ll be distracted from this hell that I’m living and fall asleep. I can’t concentrate on the film, but hopefully, with a little luck, I’ll fall asleep during the film.
I place my arm on a microbead cushion and press play on the DVD player, slowly sipping hot cocoa, waiting…and hoping…
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